Recovery

Well I promised some photos and wanted to update on my recovery this past week.  Everyone who comes over to visit tells me that I'm looking really good and physically recovering very well.  Having never had surgery before, I will take their word for it, because I do NOT like sitting here being waited on hand and foot.  I transfer from my bed to the blue chair, back and forth, back and forth...  Quite humbling to one who is used to being independent and the caretaker.  

I've regained quite a bit of mobility in me left arm.  My right arm is still in quite a bit of pain when I reach very far, due to the axillary dissection of lymph nodes on that side.  I visited an OT who specialized in the lymph system last week and she gave me some massage techniques for lymph fluid buildup, but I think since then I'm experiencing some "cording" or axillary web syndrome.  Luckily I see my surgeon on Tuesday for post-op, and the OT again on Friday, AND it usually resolves within a few months if I work to break up scar tissue.  What a pain the arm. ;) 

Surgical wounds are looking good, healing up, no signs of infection anywhere.  I still have three Jackson-Pratt drains in my body, one on the left side and two on the right.  So weird to see the little tubes coming out of my skin, held in with these big old black stiches in my stretched taunt...  they are a pain to work around and I can't sleep on my side or stomach due to them, so I am looking forward to their removal (hopefully) on Tuesday.  Being that the drains on the inside run the entire length of (the place formerly known as the) breast on each side, I'm sure it will be a weird experience to have them pulled out, and I'm hoping I don't puke as many women report happening.  Will keep you all posted.  

As always, thanks for the encouragement from all!  I'm having some down days, but am remaining positive as best I can.  I know it's only been a week, so I am trying to be patient, but I don't like this!  I can only imagine what it's like to live with chronic pain...  you all who deal with that are warriors.  I've been listening to daily "Pray as You Go" podcasts to help keep me centered and grounded.

Pre-Op. Fun fact - that hose behind me on the wall plugs into this weird purple gown and blows warm air directly on to you - I want one at home, so cozy.

Let me tell you how I really feel about cancer.

It felt like I went from rolling into surgery to the recovery room pretty quickly.  Of course I know it was several hours, but glad I didn't have to wait.  I was happy to be chomping on chipotle pasta :) 

Some of my visitors.  I am AMAZED at how that window behind them looks more like a painting... isn't Wenatchee pretty in the fall?

I like wrist IV's better than anywhere else.

My favorite visitor.

Headed home. Clearly I am not tired at all... HAHA.

Spending a lot of time on my booty in bed.

Johnny stole my "breast pillow".  I think it might be a permanent loss - he likes the special arm holes and how it wraps around you so cozily.

Boob Voyage, Thanks for the Mammeries!

Surgery went well yesterday.  My doc said she was able to remove all necessary known cancer, and it all headed off to pathology to confirm how many lymph nodes were effected.  I spent most of the day in and out of sleep afterwards, as the meds made me quite woozy.  I’ve got these super annoying drains sticking out of my chest bandages that I get to wear for another week.  Better than fluid buildup and infection at removal sites though.  I’m pretty sore, but not in super big pain, as I have some pain meds onboard for a few days.  I am strangely excited to see the scars I get to rock until reconstruction time.  

My friends and family are great, and I had lots of visitors stop in to say hello yesterday :) I wasn’t the best company and I think I fell asleep during a few of the visits (oops) but how nice to be thought of. Christie even drove all the way down just so Forest and Olaf could see me!  And thanks to my sisters and to Charlotte, I got to eat some delicious McGlinns and Thai Restaurant food and skip the hospital meal (though I admit the meatloaf was pretty good as I tried a few bites).  Steve was here with the whole time.  I’m so grateful for him.  I think Steve has some good photos so I’ll post those eventually when I’m back home :). 

God is good and full of blessings in all this.  Love to you all!

Another week of normal (as if the Saugens are ever normal... ha!)

Just some fun photos to start this post

 Johnny turned 4 last weekend and we celebrated with the Krenz boys and some Lego Ninjago moves :) 

Forest (orange shorts) has such a great coach and team this year!  So happy to see this after he sat out the season with his broken arm last year.

Been having a lot of thoughts and "feeling all the feels" these last few weeks.

I have been receiving a lot of questions on whether I have/will go to Seattle for a second opinion on my treatment plan.  Which while I recognize is what a lot of folks do, wasn't something I really thought I needed, or needed.  We had decided after our first two meetings with the surgeon that we were comfortable in Wenatchee.  After discussion with Steve a few weeks ago, we still had a few questions regarding axillary dissection of the lymph nodes which we weren't sure that we'd gotten on the information we needed (mostly because I am terrified of lymphedema...) and we thought we might go to UW medical after all.  However, after a week of doing research on our own, talking to other BC survivors and patients, and then having another frank discussion with my surgeon in Wenatchee, I have definitively decided to proceed as we had already decided.  I really do like this surgeon.  I really like staying close to home.  And I feel like based on my particular set of circumstances, the surgery planned is really the best option.  People all over the breast cancer support groups I'm finding always say to one another "go with your gut", so I am!  And it feels pretty good.  I mean as good as you can when you are approaching surgery and a year of life lived differently :)

I had to pull over on the side of the highway to write down the list of allowable foods to eat the Friday before the PET scan.  John shared his toy packaging with me to write on.

I had a PET scan yesterday.  Thanks to my momma for crocheting in the waiting room while I fed my body radioactive sugar and got pictures taken of it :)  And thanks to Steve for making the day a fun one for the boys, taking in a movie at the theater (special treat because we rarely go) and then taking them nerf gun shopping for me at Hooked on Toys.  (We had decided that I needed to stock up my new Perteet office in Wenatchee for a proper stress relieving break, so I let the boys pick out what was needed.)  Hopefully I'll receive the news Monday or Tuesday that all is clear in the other areas of my body!  While the MRI didn't show anything else concerning, apparently I have very dense tissue so this was just another check.

My momma and I headed into Radiology for the PET scan.

Settling in and pulling out her crafts...

Monday morning I'll meet Kendra and Kirsten (sisters) in Seattle to visit with the plastic surgeon who will tentatively perform my reconstruction, if/when I have it.  There are SO MANY options and SO MANY outcomes, it's mostly just a meeting to see how comfortable I am with him and whether he can appropriately answer my questions going forward.  Because I have a lot of them.  And as an added bonus, I get to have lunch with the sisters on capitol hill - I am looking forward to that!

In the last few weeks I have been overcome with gratitude for the wide circle of friends our lives.  We've been blessed with hugs, dinners, meal-train setup, kid help rotation, Schocolate (mmm), words of affirmation, prayer, texts/emails/phone calls/messages, and sincere and hilarious cards in the mail.  I can literally physically feel my gratitude sometimes - it sits the same place that anxiety sometimes does, except it's a welcome feeling, and one that makes me weepy.   I'm so thankful for all our people.

Thanks Michelle!

Thanks Stay family!

Here's to another week of getting things done and with God's grace, a successful surgery on Friday.

Jenn

"The Plan"

Last Wednesday was an emotionally hard day/appointment with my oncologist and surgeon.  Several folks suggested to me that once I had a plan in place I may feel much better, because we were working towards solving the problem!  And I really thought I would too.  But in all honesty, once we discussed my next steps...  I got really overwhelmed.  Like really overwhelmed.  I think that prior to, I had been sort of moving along as though it was all a bad dream of sorts, and maybe I wouldn't have to make a plan after all, and then all the sudden with a plan, everything just got real.  Aside from work, Steve at fire academy, and three kids, this whole cancer is the icing on the anxiety cake.  Sometimes I just have this emotion sitting on top of my chest, like I can physically feel it, and sometimes it just comes out in the form of sobs.  I am thankful for the shoulders to cry on in the past week.  AND I have been gaining some perspective from so many angles of being thankful, rejoicing in trials, and realizing that even though I feel guilty for receiving help when other folks have even harder trials, my God cares about this too.

Waiting.  Lots of waiting.  

Anyway, here's the plan at this point.  We are working through a few questions, insurance issues, scans, and such but think this is how it will go:

• October 19th (two weeks from today): Bilateral mastectomy and right side axillary dissection.  2-4 weeks of recovery time including PT.
• November(ish): Likely start of chemotherapy.  (99% chance anyway).  Likely 5 months or so, depending on the particular drugs recommended by my team?
• Next spring: Radiation on my right side in the axilla area where the lymph nodes used to be.
• Followed by: Maybe reconstruction? I don't know. I can't think that far in advance right now.  But I meet with a plastic surgeon next week to at least discuss my options.
• Followed by: Hormone therapy.  A positive aspect of my cancer being positive for estrogen and progesterone receptors is that doctors have figured out how to control hormones a bit, which can reduce the likelihood of my hormones feeding anything nasty in the future.  Of course it sounds like they come with a whole host of stupid side effects too...   so I'll be researching that in the coming months as well.

I know so many of you want to help out - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.  Jaimi and Steve and I are going to sit down this weekend to hopefully map out what type of help I/we need.  Honestly, I don't even know what I need, having never been in this situation of really needing help before.  But we'll get the word out through Jaimi and Jenny and Molly and whoever else once I know.  I am blessed by all you taking the time to read this, pray for our family, and provide your emotional support already.

Oh, and I forgot to say - MRI didn't show anything nasty in areas they didn't already know about, yay! I think I still get a CAT or a PET scan to double check but so far it looks like it hasn't spread further.