"The Plan"

Last Wednesday was an emotionally hard day/appointment with my oncologist and surgeon.  Several folks suggested to me that once I had a plan in place I may feel much better, because we were working towards solving the problem!  And I really thought I would too.  But in all honesty, once we discussed my next steps...  I got really overwhelmed.  Like really overwhelmed.  I think that prior to, I had been sort of moving along as though it was all a bad dream of sorts, and maybe I wouldn't have to make a plan after all, and then all the sudden with a plan, everything just got real.  Aside from work, Steve at fire academy, and three kids, this whole cancer is the icing on the anxiety cake.  Sometimes I just have this emotion sitting on top of my chest, like I can physically feel it, and sometimes it just comes out in the form of sobs.  I am thankful for the shoulders to cry on in the past week.  AND I have been gaining some perspective from so many angles of being thankful, rejoicing in trials, and realizing that even though I feel guilty for receiving help when other folks have even harder trials, my God cares about this too.

Waiting.  Lots of waiting.  

Anyway, here's the plan at this point.  We are working through a few questions, insurance issues, scans, and such but think this is how it will go:

• October 19th (two weeks from today): Bilateral mastectomy and right side axillary dissection.  2-4 weeks of recovery time including PT.
• November(ish): Likely start of chemotherapy.  (99% chance anyway).  Likely 5 months or so, depending on the particular drugs recommended by my team?
• Next spring: Radiation on my right side in the axilla area where the lymph nodes used to be.
• Followed by: Maybe reconstruction? I don't know. I can't think that far in advance right now.  But I meet with a plastic surgeon next week to at least discuss my options.
• Followed by: Hormone therapy.  A positive aspect of my cancer being positive for estrogen and progesterone receptors is that doctors have figured out how to control hormones a bit, which can reduce the likelihood of my hormones feeding anything nasty in the future.  Of course it sounds like they come with a whole host of stupid side effects too...   so I'll be researching that in the coming months as well.

I know so many of you want to help out - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.  Jaimi and Steve and I are going to sit down this weekend to hopefully map out what type of help I/we need.  Honestly, I don't even know what I need, having never been in this situation of really needing help before.  But we'll get the word out through Jaimi and Jenny and Molly and whoever else once I know.  I am blessed by all you taking the time to read this, pray for our family, and provide your emotional support already.

Oh, and I forgot to say - MRI didn't show anything nasty in areas they didn't already know about, yay! I think I still get a CAT or a PET scan to double check but so far it looks like it hasn't spread further.